More Than This
by anne0196
Summary: "He leaned in and everything else disintegrated into tiny amazing little pieces" A One Direction Songfic. Covers two of their songs. It's of Zayn mostly, and a bit of Louis. I intentionally didn't name the female character. Comments are appreciated!
1. Three Little Words

"I love you"

Three words he had been meaning to utter in front of her; three words that lingered inside his mouth every time she was close. He hadn't even realized it before those three words had already passed his mouth. He dug inside his jacket pockets even deeper. It was chilly but, his face felt warm.

_There's more to this_

He wanted to say more but, he knew that she wasn't listening. So many times this has happened, so many times when he said things too late. He stood silent there for a moment, looking at her as she walked away, oblivious of the three words he just said.

She was off to see her boyfriend. _How ironic._

That was it with him. He waited too long. He had a lot of opportunities, a lot of chances, missed; ignored, even. He brushed off his feelings so quickly and got trapped when he couldn't pass it off anymore.

He thought his feelings would take care of themselves. He thought his feelings would somehow magically transpire into actions.

And that she would _see_.

He didn't try because he knew it was bound to happen. He went so far ahead of himself.

_Stupid._

_Absolutely stupid._

When he actually did exert an effort to show how he felt, it was too late. _All too late._

Someone else had realized how incredibly special and wonderful she was, and that someone did not waste any time at all.

_Lucky bastard._

He wanted to say something. There were so many times when he really was going to but, then he would see her smile; smile because of him. He didn't want to take that away from her. It would be narrow, it would be selfish.

His words were always left unsaid.

_I wish it was me_


	2. Always

"You're such a loser"

He shrugged. It didn't sound like an insult at all, coming from her.

She turned to face him, her lips breaking into a smile. "Why aren't you going to the dance?"

"It's just a dance"

"It's just a dance," she mocked. "Zayn, it's the last dance of the year, before we all go off to college. Don't you think you should, at least, show up?"

He sighed and gave no response.

She made a face. She picked up one of her books from the table and hit him on the shoulder _hard_.

"Ouch!"

Hearing the commotion, the librarian glared at them.

"It was entirely his fault Mrs. Horan" she said in a hushed tone. Mrs. Horan glared at them once more then, went back to organizing the previously borrowed books on the shelves.

"You're not a girl. You're an evil witch"

She rolled her eyes. "Come on," she said, bringing back the smile she had on a moment ago. "It'll be fun. I'll be there" she added, using an encouraging tone.

_Of course you'll be there. _

_With him._

"Don't you think it would be a good change from last year?" she asked. "We didn't go then, and now, we should"

"Didn't you have fun last year?"

His gaze dropped to the floor.

"Of course I had fun last year," she answered. Relief washed over him. "I was with you"

He brought his eyes back to her and smiled.

A year ago, the two of them blew off the prom and spent a night at her house watching Asian horror flicks. It seemed like such a waste to go then because only people who had dates could enjoy a night of dancing. They could've gone together but, they didn't bother bringing it up; he was glad they didn't. He could recall so well what happened a minute before midnight.

"They must be crowning the prom king and queen by now" she said, as the credits on screen rolled on. They had just finished watching, as he described it, the movie he will never ever watch again. They had a lot of cleaning to do. One of them screamed so hard during the film, the bowl of popcorn flew above their heads. One thing's for sure, it wasn't her fault.

"Oh please" he responded. He stood and picked up the bowl from the floor. He made sure it was free from crumbs before placing it on top of his head.

"Prom king," he said, pointing at himself. "Prom queen"

He gestured for her hand. She stood up from the sofa and smiled. He took her hand in his and she tripped towards him, accidentally stepping on her fluffy bunny slippers. She laughed as he caught her.

"You look dashing in your suit, dear sir" she said, her eyes gliding on his faded jeans and white t-shirt.

"Checking me out, huh?"

"Ugh" she retorted. She almost pushed him away but, he kept a firm grip on her hand. He made sure she was staring back at him as he stared at her. That annoyed look she wore left in a snap.

He placed his right hand on her waist and she took a step closer, putting both her hands around his neck.

"You look beautiful, madam"

Timing was being nice, apparently so, because then, the soundtrack of the movie they watched played and on came just the perfect tune for the moment.

"We'll be dancing on an actual dance floor now, and we'll all be in fancy suits and dresses" She said, her face growing brighter with each word. "And we would be with our dates and it would be amazing"

She was talking in her fairytale voice. He could sense how much she wanted this.

He pondered for a second, "You know, I would if—"

At that moment, she brought out her phone. "Oh shoot," she uttered, once she saw the screen lighting up. "I have to go. Lou's waiting"

Her eyes lit up at saying Louis' name. He trembled inside.

She smiled at him before turning away. She hurried towards the open doors of the library and he listened as her footsteps faded.

She didn't even let him finish his thought. She left without hearing what he was about to say.

_I would if you'd go with me._

Of course.

Of course not.


	3. Left

"I like this. I like this very much"

She looked up at Louis' face and smiled back. She shivered as his left hand traced little patterns across her shoulder. She leaned her head back on him and let the music continue to move the two of them.

He walked in, feeling awkward in his new suit. The school gym was packed. A quarter of the people present were wallowing near the buffet table and the rest were on the dance floor. He kept his hands inside his pockets and took slow, shaky steps towards the core of the venue.

The lights were blaring and the song played its last few notes before coming to an end. Considering that it was just getting started, the speakers began to play what must be the first slow dance of the night.

He looked at the faces engaged in swaying from side to side. He quickly picked her smile out from the rest of the crowd. At that, he felt his insides shake.

She had her arms around _him._

He drew back a breath; she looked absolutely _radiant._

_He takes your hand, I die a little_

_I watch your eyes and I'm in need of_

_Why can't you look at me like that?_

He knew he couldn't stand watching the two of them. He contemplated whether to simply flee from this but, it wasn't that easy to take his eyes away from her.

_When you walk by, I try to say it_

_But then I freeze and never do it_

_My tongue gets tied, the words get trapped_

He'd been waiting for her to notice that he was there. When she finally did, the feeling held him even tighter. He almost expected, and kind if hoped, that she would break away from Louis at that moment.

_I hear the beat of my heart getting louder whenever I'm near you_

She bit her lip and smiled at the sight of him. He liked it that it was only meant for him to see.

_But I see you with him, slow dancing_

_Tearing me apart 'cause you don't see_

_Whenever you kiss him, I'm breaking_

_Oh how I wish that was me_

She kept herself in Louis' arms but, kept an eye out for him too, making sure he wouldn't just dissipate into thin air. She was well aware that Zayn was the type to suddenly vanish in occasions like these. Louis twirled her and both boys seemed even more amazed.

_He looks at you the way that I would_

_Does all the things I know that I could_

_If only time could just turn back_

Zayn felt his hand tighten into a fist as Louis leaned in to kiss her. His shoes suddenly became more interesting; his gaze dropped to the floor. Louis was good at making evident what was his.

'_Cause I've got three little words that I've always been dying to tell you_

The song ends and to Zayn, it seemed like he had to wait an eternity. He was barely prepared as she made her way towards him. Behind, closely following her, was Louie.

"You came" she said, letting out a little laugh. He wanted to believe the twinkle in her eye was because of him.

"You told me I should come for you," he said, his tone took on a kind of firmness. "And so I did"

He liked the fact that Louis was hearing this. They didn't even greet each other. They barely met each other's eyes. He was surprised she never noticed this on-going silent feud between the two of them. They'd been like this since the first time their paths crossed. Louis recognized his intentions, why couldn't she?

"That's very nice of you," she answered. "I must say, you look dashing in your suit, dear sir"

He grinned at hearing those exact same words for the second time. "Still checking me out" he replied in a cheeky tone.

She briefly glanced at Louis and Louis managed a smile. She Looked back at Zayn and rolled her eyes. In the background, the next slow song began its melody.

"I believe you owe me a dance"

He was surprised that she was the one who brought it up.

"Do you mind?"

Zayn turned to Louis, acknowledging his presence for the first time.

He could tell Louis debated with himself but, didn't show it. "Not at all"

He took hold of her hand and immediately felt his face flare up. Their feet led them to the dance floor; he held her like the last time but, with more conviction. She was so close, was it possible for her to feel what he was feeling right this second?

_Feel with my hands on your waist as we dance in the moonlight_

_I wish it was me that you call later on because you want to say good night_

He knew it was short-lived but, he savoured each second that he had her in his arms this way. He couldn't even hear the song anymore because all of his senses were focused on something else; something more important.

Just this once he wanted to freeze time and leave things like this.

Just this once he wouldn't be forced to relive everything as merely a figment of his imagination.

Just this once he wanted to believe that she felt what he felt. Just this once he wanted her to feel the same.

They danced without uttering a word; their eyes spoke for them. It was better this way; clearer.

The song ended and she left his arms to go to someone else's. Louis placed his arm around her shoulders. Zayn took a step back and let them have it. She didn't stop him from walking away and instead, held on to Louis wordlessly. Her gaze didn't leave the sight of him, she watched until he was no longer there.

Further away from everything, he went. Numb from all emotion, walking away was his only instinct.

_Oh how I wish that was me_


	4. Unsaid

_I'm broken_

_Do you hear me? _

_I'm blinded because you are everything I see_

_I'm dancing, alone_

Days passed without a single call, a single text, or barely a single word from her. Nights kept him thinking. While everyone else was in deep slumber dreaming, he was dreaming too but, with eyes wide open. He almost always ended up staring at his bedroom ceiling.

_I'm praying that your heart will just turn around_

Time and time again, he pushed himself to climb into his car and race to her house. There were afternoons when he actually did drive up to her street but, he never mustered enough courage to walk up to the porch and ring the doorbell.

_And as I walk up to your door_

_My eyes turn to face the floor_

_Cause I can't look you in the eyes and say _

After the dance, she seemed distant; she was so far off. In school, every time she was with Louis and she knew he was present, she crept a little closer to him. Whenever there was a chance, it was as if she wanted to rub it in his face that it was all too impossible for the two of them. She wanted him to _see_. He nearly convinced himself that she wanted him to hurt. He was merely rationalizing; it was better than the pain.

She was only doing what she was supposed to do as someone with a commitment.

_When he opens his arms and holds you close tonight, it just won't feel right_

_I can love you more than this_

He avoided the two of them because of that, admitting he was at fault for keeping the gap they were starting to forge even further apart. Anger felt less self-destructive than sadness.

_When he lays you down, I might just die inside_

_It's doesn't feel right_

_I can love you more than this_

So, it happened. He started to avoid her just as she avoided him. Every single day, the voice mails he left grew shorter and for the past few days, he didn't even try anymore. Reason was slowly and painfully fading.

_If I'm louder, would you see me?_

_Would you lay down in my arms and rescue me?_

'_Cause we are the same, you save me_

_When you leave it's gone again_

He was at the brink of accepting it; moving on, even. He would let her go, if that was what she wanted.

He wanted to forget the last time he saw her. He wished to take apart the memory of having to see her in Louis' arms. He only wanted to remember the time when it was him in his place.

_And then I see you on the street in his arms_

_I get weak_

_My body fails; I'm on my knees praying_

That was more than a couple of days ago. After that, was the time he began deflecting from the hallways she passed and the roads she took.

Right now, Zayn took refuge in his room, thinking of the things to say and how he would say it in front of her. It was nearly sun down and ever since he woke up this morning, he decided that this would be the day to talk; it was time to get things over with. If this was the end, they needed finality.

Zayn paced back and forth quite a few times. He willed himself to sit down but, stood up again. This routine of his went on for a while until he finally convinced himself to walk out of the room and leave the house.

Quite loudly, he opened the door and came to a halt at the threshold.

She stood on the porch, rigid and still. Similar thoughts must've been running through her head, too. She had her back to him at first but, hearing the door, she turned.

Her expression was unreadable and yet, he still swore that there was a glint of a spark when she turned to him.

"You're here" were the first words that came out of her mouth.

"I live here. Of course I would be"

Sarcasm; his words looked as if they stung her more than he expected it to. He sounded bitter.

"Right" she answered.

An awkward silence passed, with both waiting for what the other has to say.

"I'm sorry" she said, looking down. "And not just for that, for everything"

He could tell she was nervous; she couldn't keep her fingers steady.

He couldn't stand it when she was being like this. By impulse, he reached out and held them steady. He was surprised at what he did and she was surprised, too. It worked, though. He felt her hands relaxed trapped inside his.

"I'm really sorry" she said again, she brought her face up to look at him. "I know I have a lot of making up to do"

Maybe if it was that easy.

He sighed and loosened his grasp on her hands but, kept contact. "I'm not so sure that'll work out for both of us," he answered. "Does _he_ know you're here?"

She bit her lip; she pursed them and unpursed them again. She hesitated before answering, "Louis broke up with me"

At uttering these words, she drew her hands away and leaned on the post. He followed suit and stayed beside her.

"Why?"

She looked up at the cloudy sky overhead. Doing so, she tried to stop the tears from her already tearing eyes. "It was the funniest thing," she said. "Silly, really"

Her voice broke at _really._ He felt something tug at him from inside his chest.

She was silent for a second; they both were. It was a different silence from the first time. He waited for her to speak again.

"Louie told me that I did love him," she said, regaining control of her voice. "But that I loved someone more"

Her fingers began to unsteady again; she was shaking.

He waited for what she was going to say next. He could tell that she struggled with her words. She, on the other hand, hoped he didn't see just how much she was breaking.

"Louie thinks I'm in love with you" she said in a hushed tone that shook with every word.

She brushed something off her cheek with her hand and spoke again. "You know what's even funnier?"

She chuckled through tears.

He braced himself.

"I think I believe him"

Zayn didn't even hesitate before he surrounded her with his arms.

That's when she really broke. He could feel her tears stain his shirt but, he didn't care. All the madness from the past few weeks disappeared before him and all that was left was clarity. He could see that both of them needed a little breaking to be able to come to this.

_I've never had the words to say but now, I'm asking you to stay for a little while inside my arms_

_And as you close your eyes tonight, I pray that you will see the light that's shining from the stars above_

He carefully pulled away; she seemed so fragile and all he wanted to do was to keep her safe. He cupped her face slowly to face his and she let him do so. He leaned in and everything else disintegrated into tiny amazing little pieces.

He had been waiting to kiss her like this; breathless and special. He always anticipated when he could hold her and for her to want to be in his arms just as much.

It didn't matter that he had some things to say; she left him speechless most of the time, anyway. For now, they would revel on this moment. From now on, it would never be the same.

_I can love you more than this_


End file.
